i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
