Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
