found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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