"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
