Nicole vs. Life
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
