Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
