Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
