so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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