Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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