Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
