boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
