I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
