from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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