Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
