I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
