he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
