the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
