I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
