i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
