Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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