do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
