I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
