i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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