Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
