my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My dick has a subreddit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
