Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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