Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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