Someone shit on the floor
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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