What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
