Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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