Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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