ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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