i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
