Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
