I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
