So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
