my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her facebook's as public as her vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
