he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
