i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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