I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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