I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
