dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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