M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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