I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
