After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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