You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
