guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
