Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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