Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
