What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
