Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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