tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
