He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
