the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
