Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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