There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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