did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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