Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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