At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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