lets start a swedish sibling band together
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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