she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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