It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
