we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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