i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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