He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
