I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
