We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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