You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
