You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
