It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
