it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize