Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
