broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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